I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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