She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
