when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I don't think brook has ever known best
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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