I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Is Oprah even human
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
