maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
