i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Couch. On fire.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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