a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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