this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Come share oat with me in your robe
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
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