she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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