My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
the day after is always just damage control
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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