If i come over, it means nothing
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
