Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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