Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
pray to the hookup gods
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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