i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
