dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
