k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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