We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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