I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize