she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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