you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
