im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
