I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Randomize
