Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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