Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
