he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
