Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
How external is "for external use only"?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
