i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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