If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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