porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize
