So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
