eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
She even gives head with a lisp.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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