If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
