I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
As shirtless as possible
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
