I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
