Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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