i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
