The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
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