If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I am puke
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
