i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
