I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I lost the right to judge tonight
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize