Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
