Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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