we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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