Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
