FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
We were destined to go to rehab together
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
