he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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