your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Randomize
