I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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