I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
