I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
