There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
