im drinking this country out of the recession.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
