you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
