The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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