that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
