C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
