My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
