from now on my penis is your penis
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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