This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
