So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
