Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
