I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
