dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm getting married
To pizza
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
