whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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