I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
